Homer Simpson and You Would Do It Again

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Alien: I bring you love.

Lenny: Information technology's bringing love, don't permit information technology get away!

Carl: Break its legs.

[anybody starts to advance on the alien]

Lisa: Wait! You want an alien? This is your conflicting.

[Shines torch on alien to reveal Mr. Burns in a twisted and disoriented state]

Mr. Burns: [in a high-toned vocalisation] Hello, children. I bring you lot love.

Willy: Argh. It'due south a monster. Kill it, kill it!

Smithers: Information technology'south not a monster, it'due south Mr. Burns!

Willy: Aww, information technology's Mr. Burns! Impale It! KILL Information technology!

Mulder: All right, Homer, we want you to recreate your every move the night you saw this conflicting.

Homer: Well, the evening began at the gentlemen'southward club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.

Scully: Mr. Simpson, information technology'southward a felony to lie to the FBI.

Homer: Nosotros were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. You happy?

[Homer sees a billboard that says 'DIE']

Homer: Yaaaaaaaah!

[the wind blows abroad the tree that covered the terminal letter of the billboard, saying now 'Diet']

Homer: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Homer: I'chiliad like that guy who unmarried-handedly built the rocket and flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

Homer: [Using a pull a fast one on he learned watching a sure picture] I saw this in a movie almost a bus that had to *speed* around the metropolis, keeping its *speed* over l, and if its *speed* dropped, the motorbus would explode! I think it was called... "The Motorbus That Couldn't Slow Downward."

Mulder: Expect at this, Scully: there has been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.

Scully: Well, gee Mulder, at that place's too this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Bailiwick of jersey tonight.

Mulder: I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters similar that.

Leonard Nimoy: How-do-you-do. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The post-obit tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I hateful false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the terminate, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No.

Mulder: [after subjecting Homer to a concrete and numerous medical tests, Scully has set him on a treadmill] Await a infinitesimal, Scully. What's the point of this test?

Scully: No point. I merely figured he could stand up to lose some weight.

Mulder: [Seeing the movement of Homer's belly] His jigglin is almost hypnotic.

Scully: Yes. Information technology'south like a lava lamp.

Scully: Now we're gonna run a few tests. This is a elementary prevarication detector. I'll inquire you a few yes or no questions and you merely answer truthfully. Do y'all understand?

Homer: Aye.

[lie detector explodes]

Mr. Burns: So, Smithers, what are you doing this weekend. Something gay, I await?

Smithers: What?

Mr. Burns: You know, lite and fancy gratis. Mothers, lock upwards your daughters. Smithers is on the town.

Smithers: Oh. Of course.

Rev. Lovejoy: I think some other gentle company from the heavens. He came in peace, and so died... only to come up back to life. And his name was: E.T., the extra-terrestrial. I honey that little guy.

Homer: I don't mind being called a liar when I'm lying, or about to lie, or just finished lying, but NOT WHEN I'Grand TELLING THE TRUTH.

Chief Wiggum: Well, your story is very compelling, Mr. Jackass, I mean, uh, Simpson. So I'll just blazon it upwardly on my invisible typewriter.

[pantomiming doing so, bustling]

Homer: You don't take to humiliate me.

Pyromaniac: [entering as Homer leaves] I just torched a building downtown and I'chiliad afraid I'll do it again!

Principal Wiggum: Oh, yep, correct. I'll just blazon information technology up on my invisible typewriter.

[pantomiming again, humming]

Master Wiggum: Fruitcake.

Kent Brockman: The alien has appeared in the aforementioned Springfield pasture the past 2 Friday nights. Will it appear again this Friday? The entire Channel half-dozen news team will be there, except for Phil, the boom mike operator, who's getting fired tomorrow.

[boom mike hits Kent]

Kent Brockman: Very unprofessional, Phil.

Homer: Oh, Marge, I never felt then alone. No one believes me.

[intermission]

Homer: Uh, this is the part where y'all're supposed to say, "I believe you, Homer."

Marge Simpson: I don't believe you, Homer.

Homer: You do? Oh, Marge, yous've fabricated me and then happy.

Marge Simpson: You're not listening. You lot're only hearing what you want to hear.

Homer: Thanks! I'd love an omelet right about now.

Grampa: For the beloved of God, help me! I've been hither for 4 days, and a turtle's got a concur of my teeth. There he is!

[chasing the turtle, moving but as slow]

Grampa: Come back here, yous. Dull downwardly. I'll get you.

Scully: This is the worst assignment nosotros've ever had.

Mulder: Worse than the time we were attacked by the flesh-eating virus?

Grampa: [the turtle bites him] Ow! He scrap me with my ain teeth!

Scully: No, this is much more than irritating.

Bart Simpson: Yo, dad, can I have a sip of your beer?

Homer Simpson: Now, son, you lot don't want to drink beer. That'southward for daddies and kids with faux IDs.

[concluding lines]

Squeaky-Voiced Teen: [closing the volume] And then concludes our tale. I'yard Leonard Nimoy. Good night, and go along watching the skis.

[points upwardly]

Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Uh skies.

[the X Files theme plays]

Homer: This Friday, we're going dorsum to the woods and nosotros're going to find that conflicting!

Bart Simpson: What if we don't?

Homer: We'll false it and sell information technology to the FOX network.

Bart Simpson: They'll buy annihilation.

Homer: Now, son, they do a lot of quality programming, too.

[both outburst out laughing]

Homer: I kill me.

Homer: And so I says, blue M&M, red Thou&Grand, they all wind up the same colour in the end.

Homer: Take a expect at this, Lisa. Y'all don't see any "Homer is a dope" T-shirts, do you?

Sarcastic worker: We sold those out in 5 minutes.

Homer: D'oh!

[seeing Marge and Maggie wearing i]

Homer: Marge, how could y'all?

Marge Simpson: These shirts are 100% cotton, and expect at the fine stitching on "dope".

Homer: [to the vendor] I'll accept two.

Mulder: Are nosotros alone in the universe? Impossible. When you consider the wonders that exist all around us... voodoo priests of Haiti, the Tibetan numerologists of Appalachia, the unsolved mysteries of Unsolved Mysteries... The truth is out there.

Lisa: All right! Information technology'due south time for ABC's "TGIF" line-upward!

Bart Simpson: Lise, when you get a fiddling older, you'll acquire that Friday is simply another day between NBC'south "Must Encounter Thursday" and CBS' "Saturday night craporama".

Moe: Who'd accept thought a whale could exist so heavy?

[noticing Mulder]

Moe: Cheese it! The feds!

Leonard Nimoy: [finishing Homer's 'story'] And so, from this simple human being came the proof that nosotros are not alone in the universe. I'chiliad Leonard Nimoy. Skillful nighttime.

Squeaky-Voiced Teen: Uh, Mr. Nimoy, we have ten minutes left.

Leonard Nimoy: Oh. Uh, fine. Well, let me simply get, uh, something out of my car.

[Nimoy runs out of the room; a motorcar door is heard slamming and the tires are heard peeling abroad]

Squeaky-Voiced Teen: [inbound the shot] I don't think he's coming back.

Alien: I bring you peace.

Homer: As a representative of planet Earth, let me exist the first to say...

[realizing his leg is on burn, he screams and tries to put it out]

Homer: [the alien leaves] D'oh! It's gone. And we even so don't have any proof.

Bart Simpson: [holding up Flanders' camcorder] Oh, yep, we practice. I got information technology all on record.

Lisa: Dad, according to "Junior Skeptic Mag", the chances are 175 one thousand thousand to i of some other form of life really coming in contact with ours.

Homer: And so?

Lisa: It's just that the people who claim they've seen aliens are always pathetic lowlifes with boring jobs. Oh, and y'all, dad.

[she chuckles nervously]

Bart Simpson: [coming in with a Super Soaker, improvised antennae on a helmet, and droopy-eye spring glasses] I am the thing from Uranus.

Homer: [whimpering, so realizing] Oh, it'due south Bart. I can't believe it. I'1000 being mocked by my own children. On my birthday.

Bart Simpson: It'south your birthday?

Homer: Aye. Remember? Information technology's the same solar day as the canis familiaris's.

Lisa: [the family begins cuddling and petting the dog] Santa's Picayune Helper, information technology's your birthday? Ooh, nosotros've got to get y'all a present. Yes, nosotros exercise. Yep, we practice.

Bart Simpson: We love you, boy.

Marge Simpson: Skilful doggy. Good doggy.

Homer: [muttering nether his breath] Lousy, loveable dog.

Homer: I'm telling yous, I saw a creature from another planet.

Lisa: Possibly you simply dreamed information technology.

Homer: Oh, yeah? Well, when I came to, I was covered with a glutinous, translucent goo. Explain that.

Marge Simpson: [serving breakfast] More than sausage?

[he begins drooling]

Kent Brockman: Tonight, on "Eyewitness News," a man who's been in a coma for 23 years wakes upward.

Blackout patient: [in his infirmary bed] Exercise Sonny and Cher even so have that stupid show?

Kent Brockman: No. Uh, she won an Oscar, and he's a congressman.

Coma patient: Expert nighttime!

[his heart rate monitor flatlines]

Kent Brockman: [back in the studio] But first, Eastward.T. phone Homer... Simpson, that is.

Homer: Marge! Kids! They're near to evidence my videotape.

Kent Brockman: Local man Homer Simpson, shown here with his natural language stuck to a lamppost, has given us this videotape. It's a close come across of the blurred kind.

Homer: Delight, don't injure me.

Conflicting: Don't be afraid.

Homer: [as he yells, he runs through a field of grass, spelling out the discussion] YAHHH!

Moe: Some other Duff, Homer?

Homer: Nah. It's Fri night, Moe. I want to effort something special.

Moe: Uh, sure, certain.

[surreptitiously cartoon an umlaut over the "U"]

Moe: Eh, hither you go. "Doof." From Sweden.

Homer: [taking a sip] Skoal! Wait a minute. This is Duff!

Moe: [laughing nervously] Y'all got me, didn't you? All right, here y'all go. Red Tick Beer.

Homer: [taking a sip] Hmm. Bold, refreshing. And something I can't quite put my finger on.

[cut to a Ruby-red Tick brewery, where dogs swim in a vat of beer]

Ruby Tick Beer Man: [taste-testing some] Hmm... needs more dog.

Grampa: [coming across Homer in the forest in the middle of the dark] Oh, son, I'm glad to see you. I went for the forenoon paper and I got lost. And...

Homer: [pushing him abroad] No time for you lot, old human.

Homer: TGIF. Guys, I'one thousand off to Moe's.

Lenny: But, Homer, it's 10:00 in the morning.

Bart Simpson: Well, Lise, what do you retrieve almost the alien now?

Lisa: I think there must be a more logical caption, and I remember the people of this town aren't going to be won over by iii seconds of videotape.

Homer: [hearing the doorbell, he opens the forepart door to see a group of townspeople outside] Uh... I'm happy to respond any questions you have most the alien. Any questions at all.

[Dr. Hibbert raises his mitt]

Homer: Dr. Hibbert?

Dr. Hibbert: Yep, is the conflicting carbon-based or silicon-based?

Homer: Uh... the 2d one. Zilliphone. Adjacent question.

Barney: Is the alien Santa Claus?

Homer: Uh... yeah.

Ned Flanders: Uh, were you on my roof last nighttime stealing my weather vane?

Homer: This interview is over!

[as he goes back within and slams the door, said conditions vane falls to the ground]

Marge Simpson: Hi. Tin I assistance you?

Mulder: [showing their badges] Agents Mulder and Scully, FBI.

Marge Simpson: [gasping] I-Is this about that pen that I took from the postal service office? I-I swear, I didn't know I put it in my bag. And then I was going to bring it back, only the dog chewed it up, and that just made things worse.

[she begins hyperventilating]

Scully: Actually, we're here to encounter your husband virtually his UFO run across.

Marge Simpson: [nevertheless trying to grab her jiff] Oh... come up... come in.

Scully: Mr. Simpson, look at this lineup and tell us if any of these are the aliens you saw.

Alf: [in line with Marvin the Martian, Chewbacca, either Kang or Kodos, and Gort from "The Day the Earth Stood Still"] Yo!

Homer: No, I'chiliad sorry.

Marvin the Martian: [grumbling as they all go out] Oh, this makes me very angry.

Moe: Then, uh, who are you guys, anyway?

Mulder: [showing his badge] Agents Mulder and Scully, FBI.

Moe: [nervously] FBI, huh? Uh, excuse me.

[going to a back room where 2 associates are washing Shamu with a hose and buckets of water]

Moe: All right, they're onto u.s.a.. Become him back to Sea Globe.

Homer: I reject to share a bed with someone who thinks I'm crazy. Unless you're feeling amorous.

[playful growl]

Marge Simpson: [trying to get to sleep] No, I'one thousand not.

Homer: [getting out of bed] Well, then, good night.

Alien: I bring you love.

Dr. Hibbert: Is that the love between a man and a woman? Or the honey of a man for a cuban cigar?

Alien: Uh... I bring y'all love.

Mr. Burns: A lifetime of working in a nuclear power plant has given me a healthy greenish glow... and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. And now that I'm dorsum to normal, I don't bring you peace and dearest. I bring y'all fear, famine, pestilence, and...

Dr. Nick Riviera: Time for a booster!

Mr. Burns: Skilful morning starshine...

Bart: Leonard Nimoy? What are you doing hither?

Leonard Nimoy: Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces shall draw me near.

Bart: [flippantly] Uh-huh.

Hot Canis familiaris Vendor: Hey Spock, what practise you want on your hot canis familiaris?

Leonard Nimoy: Surprise me.

Jasper: Thank god it's Midweek.

[takes his pills]

Mrs. Glick: It's Friday.

Jasper: [looks at his empty loving cup] Uh-oh... wrong pills.

[Jasper sprouts pilus until he looks like an old sasquatch]

Jasper: Petty assist?

Homer Simpson: [describing his encounter with the alien] Oh, it was awful. They sabbatum me on a cold, metal table and prodded me with humiliating probes. And... oh, wait, that was my physical.

Carl: [sarcastically] Smashing story Homer, really.

Homer: I saw this in a movie nearly a autobus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Downward."

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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0701263/quotes/qt0332685